joining in the fun (or, remebering terri)

[rkt]

amidst my wanderings over the weekend, i picked up a copy of lip magazine. radical liberal fun. and, while not perfect, is the best magazine since bitch, which has generally been annoying me as of late.

in addition to the works of mattilda aka matt bernstein sycamore and bertrand russell, they printed a (san francisco?) craigslist post. which i completely intend to semi-plagiarize later for my own self, but for now am content to completely plagiarize for you selves.


For Sale or Barter: My Body, in Persistent Vegetative State

I make the following statement in a sound state of mind and of my own volition:

If I am rendered comatose and determined to be in a persistent vegetative state (PVS) for period loner than one month and if no imminent cure is forthcoming, I do not wish to be kept alive by artificial means including but not limited to nourishment, hydration, etc.

However: If due to the absurd political state of affairs in this country, my PVS and impending unplugging can be parlayed into some sort of political gain, I wholly endorse using my predicament in whatever way possible for the purposes of passing legislation favorable to my general political and ethical outlook. Here is a list of top-tier causes I support and will continue to support, both while in my PVS ad after my eventual death.



Debt Relief
I will agree to stay in a PVS for an indeterminate amount of time if the United States aggressively pursues a policy of debt relief and debt forgiveness to developing and impoverished nations.

Nuclear Disarmament and De-Escalation
I will agree to stay in a PVS for an open-ended period of time if the United States desists from developing new bellicose nuclear technologies and provides significant nonmilitary incentives for nations to avoid nuclear armament.

Humanitarian Foreign Policy
I will submit to the so-called pro-life contingent's desire that I be kept in a PVS in perpetuum if the United States aggressively pursues a humane foreign policy guided by the idea that the country must use its economic leverage to bring education, health care, basic services, and opportunity to the millions of disenfranchised, impoverished, and oppressed peoples of the world. For example, instead of providing Bradley fighting vehicles or F-16s to the Israeli army, the United States would open free, state-of-the-art health clinics in every West Bank refugee camp.

Environmentally Sensitive Policy
I agree to be kept plugged-in and in a PVS until I expire of other natural causes if the United States aggressively pursues a policy including an economic emphasis on renewable energy sources, preserving open spaces, protecting environmentally sensitive areas (such as biosphere reserves, the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, the Amazon Basin, etc.) and using economic and political leverage to encourage other nations to behave in like manner.

Should my friends or family find a way to use the issue of my impending unplugging to bring Congress into emergency session, draft emergency legislation, or encourage politicians to make statements favorable to the above mentioned causes, I hereby grant permission to do whatever is necessary with my body to accomplish said ends.

If the United States government coldly and callously dismisses the value and sanctity of my life by refusing to enact the policies laid out above, I will offer a staggered plan of unplugging. With each of the following acts, truly pro-life leaders will be able to secure more time for my existence, sustained via the miracles of modern medicine, while I enjoy my PVS.

• Plant 30 mature trees in an inner city (+ 1 day)


• Build a playground in an inner city (+1 week)


• Repair an inner-city school and provide adequate heating (+1 week)


• Build and staff a job training center in an inner city (+2 weeks)


• Build and staff a health care clinic in an inner city (+3 weeks)

EXCITING LIMITED-TIME OFFER!
Should these staggered incentives prove inadequate to morally motivate the conservative "pro-life" leadership in this country, for a limited time, I will allow the US government (state, country, and city governments are also welcome to participate) to keep me alive in a PVS as follows:
Save my life for an additional minute by contributing US$2.00 to any one of the following nonprofit organizations: the World Health Organization, OxFam, Greenpeace, Earth Justice, National Organization for Women, NARAL Pro-Choice America, MoveOn.org, Act for Change, Free the Slaves, Anti-Slavery International, American Civil Liberties Union, or Amnesty International.

--

ok, not the best piece of writing, but not the worst. from my hypothetical PVS, i fully intend to push more for a stronger emphasis on universal human rights than for the environment; but that's my own bias talking for my own body.
however, no, human rights campaign nor any gay marriage organization will make the cut either. (ed. somehow, an n snuck its way into the word "cut" the first time i typed it...hmm...
and it needs some hammering out in some areas (why not allow private citizens buy minute time blocks, as well?)


ok. so maybe i also have too much time on my hands tonight. i did, however, get to watch arrested development. whilst watching the tv, i managed to get mosquito-bitten on my ass (THROUGH MY PANTS), on my heel (THROUGH MY SOCK), and on my hand, before smacking the sucker and making a mess.
see, mother nature needs to be nicer to me if zie wants me to return the favour.

Comments

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

Well, mosquitoes think you taste good. It could be a complement.

How many days for a year of Pat Robertson's silence?

[rkt.livejournal.com]

Well, mosquitoes think you taste good. It could be a complement.

because deep down i'm sweet? psh.

How many days for a year of Pat Robertson's silence?
a day for a day.
if he speaks, he will keeelll me.