oh, woe is i (or more pitfalls in therapy)

[rkt]

i've gone and put myself back in therapy. for better or worse, i've consented to using the insurance.
i called the lesbian therapist resource network (or whatever its called) .... they weren't very flexible on giving details.

after one intake and one visit, my therapist is already annoying me. and i don't just mean annoying me because it's june and june is my month of wallowing...

example: she asked me how old i was when i first realized i was gay.

this question is ridiculous coming from hetero folk. someone who's lesbianic really should know better.
ask me when i first acccepted or labeled... fine. but, no. just, no. don't go and pull some heterocentric shit and ask me when i became a gay. the same time "everyone else" became straight, maybe?
maybe i'm a lesbian because it's in my genes. maybe i'm a lesbian because of circumstance. maybe i'm a lesbian because it's a lifestyle choice. we can get into that later. (maybe, only i don't see the point.) but the feelings aren't that special. really. lust is lust. love is love.

and i already told you my story was long and twisted and complicated.

and i'm afraid this is a foreshadowing of deep-seeded philosophical differences on which i simply will not budge.

admittedly, i was already cranky because, when i found out less than 24 hours in advance of a youth-related function i wanted to attend at the same time as my appointment i called to cancel. her response? i could cancel but she would "have" to bill me and my insurance, anyway.

now:
a) i had not yet signed the consent form for that. i realize it's standard procedure. i had already attended my 50-minute intake and did not sign (or was informed) of any such policy.
b) she did not HAVE to do jack. if it's her policy, i respect that. it's her policy. that much, i'm not arguing. but don't HAVE to me when you run your own practice. trust me, i've dealt with insurance companies enough to know they are not the ones imposing this little protocol on you. tell me it's your policy and i'll respect you far more for it than if you pull out the "HAVE TO"s.

and maybe i'm being whiney. but for fuck's sake, the point of having a therapist is not to have a secondary therapist.

yeah, we're going to have a nice long talk later this week.

Comments

[beginnings-end.livejournal.com]

I hate that. They bill you because they had that block of time and they'd be paid anyway. I hope it goes well, or maybe you'd be better to find someone else. My first therapist was great, I could recommend him if you're interested.

[rkt.livejournal.com]

yeah... i get that.. just don't tell me that you "have to"...

i don't do guy therapists. (or therapists in my mother's age range.) ... issues.

what's looking for saturday? i may end being a tail-less mermaid :( but maybe i can come up with something.

[beginnings-end.livejournal.com]

Well I don't think I "have to" see a therapist, but it helps. I had a good female therapist in Pittsburgh and a good male therapist in NY, but yeah he was a bit older anyway. The guy I see now is really young and I'm not entirely sold on him yet.

I think we're driving down early with the girl I'm marching with. We planned to meet KD there, I'm not sure how she's going down.